To put personal thoughts out for the world to see seems just crazy, and perhaps, a little narcissistic. But, there’s a more profound reason for sharing our stories and deciding to talk about life and the sometimes painful journeys we take, especially in our 30s. The greater reason for sharing is that one person will read something that resembles them and will feel supported along their own journey of faith and life. This is what I have been seeking in the past year. I am only 31 and yet I have felt a tidal wave of new emotions and life situation since turning 30. I don’t know if it is the age, or simply a coincidence, but I’m pretty sure other women will agree, things change in our 30s! My primary word for life in my 20s was probably, adventure. Now, in my 30s, it is, complicated. How did things go from adventure to complication in only a few years? For me, as for probably many women my age, I got married at 29 and already knew I wanted to have a family. After 6 months of blissfully happy marriage, I was thrilled to throw away my birth control pills and see if conception would occur immediately, or shortly thereafter. I did have in the back of my mind, what if this doesn’t work for me as easily as it should? What if my irregular periods and previous hunches from doctors about Poly-Cystic Ovarian Syndrome are right? What if I am the one in six women (or whatever the statistic) who has to deal with infertility?
And so, it’s been a year and a half of complicated, emotional, and very private feelings about how this all might unfold. I have been faux-blogging in a little Word doc on my computer for the past couple months, just to get my thoughts and feelings out. So, I’ll put up some of those postings, just to give you a play-by-play of the actual complicated journey. By the way, I’m expecting this probably only to be interesting to women also dealing with infertility, mostly based on the comments I get from people not dealing with it. Well-meaning friends and acquaintances say things to me like, “do you really think about it that much?” and “it’ll happen,” and “you’re young – it hasn’t been that long.” These are the comments that made me want to start this project. I know there’s a community of women out there who long to hear about someone’s similar journey and shared emotions, but it’s certainly not my extra-fertile friends, who already have 3 kids and a vasectomy!
There is power in the present moment, if only to say, I will be here now and be grateful for my life.