The Way to Now

Here’s what I learned in the last two months: to the average young person the church does not seem relevant AND all people are searching for community.  And, I’m pretty sure many of the people I know would like to find a church that fits their needs, that voices relevant issues, that allows God’s Spirit to burst through everyday occurrences.  As a minister, it is not often that I’m not in church on a Sunday morning, but this winter I had a full eight Sundays off in a row for a time of spiritual renewal and writing.  Not only did I live a “normal” person’s weekend life, but I also observed a lot of what my friends experience without a church community.  At first, it felt odd, but I have to admit, I adjusted just fine to having two weekend days to sleep in and do whatever I wanted.  I realized that I could probably live my whole life without stepping foot in a church and not really realize anything was different in my life than anyone else’s.  But, I also was able to contrast this time outside the church with what I have known since childhood, which is the church as a personal community of friends and mentors.  One of the highlights of a church community is that you can develop relationships with people who are generations older (or younger) than you and you learn infinitely more than you would if you choose only to be around peers.  From one set of our older friends, my husband and I have learned to value the concept of contrast.  I observed, for two months, the contrast in my life with and without the church.  The conclusions I am drawing, now that I have been back in the pulpit for three weeks, are that my life became pretty insular without this broader community, and that I did not have that outside source that is bigger than me pulling me into new areas of my spirit.

Do I miss the sleeping in?  Yes, but I think I found the solution to that.  You have to be willing to forgo the late Saturday nights, (but who in our 30s isn’t willing?!) and put yourself to bed at a reasonable hour, and morning’s not so bad.  In fact, overall, I have been shutting it down around 10 or 10:30 and getting into bed and finding that morning is a much more enjoyable experience!

The other point I talked about with everyone I spent time with over my time off talked about how the church is broken, can be hypocritical, and has too many issues.  Come on, now – doesn’t that sound like each one of us?!  The church is really a reflection of us.  It is the place where people go to work out their issues – sometimes people are unhealthy in the way they do it and sometimes the church suffers for that.  But, ultimately, get a group of people together to share in their faith and you will undoubtedly get a huge dose of inspiration and Spirit.  You know, I thought I would be writing more about how church might be irrelevant.  But, I see now that the church is vital and it is time to get more young clergy into churches where young people live.  It is also time for the church to claim more boldly that it is a progressive place for people to come with their questions, with their doubts, and find community with others like them.

Now, the second part for me is this: how do I make my career manageable and meaningful without giving up my Sabbath time?  This might be a question that accompanies me throughout my career.  Since I have been back at work, I definitely feel a new sense of balance and delight in my work.  I guess this is why people should periodically take time off.  There are some things that have fallen off, like my writing.  I desperately wish I would keep writing with the same depth and intensity as I was this winter.  But, the reality is, I expend that energy at work and in my sermons now.  Here’s hoping I can figure out a balance there.  Back on the Sabbath search, I have been practicing using the whole afternoon and evening on Sundays just to relax and do exactly what pleases me.  That’s what Sabbath is, you know.  It’s a day of rest and delight in the Lord.  It’s a day to recharge and be still and separate yourself from the cares of your busy life.  Try it!  Don’t pay bills or prepare for work or work on the house (unless you love it) or run errands.  Instead, read a book, watch a movie, take a walk, have dinner with those you love (casually and without great effort), and catch up on sleep if you need it.  I am amazed at what even eight hours of Sabbath time does for me.  Don’t feel guilty about it – God actually commanded it.  You will rest on the seventh day.

A note on my continued quest for health and healing of my body … I downloaded a book on PCOS and natural ways to cure it (specifically how you eat).  I had a procedure last month that included an IUI, but it was unsuccessful.  It just goes to show that even when the circumstances are perfect, sometimes it doesn’t work.  However, I finished my treatment with the acupuncturist, Bing Lee, who was working on restoring my hypothalamus.  He feels like after the month of taking the supplement and continuing with my regular acupuncture, that everything is restored in my brain – hallelujah!  I am always skeptically on the fence about whether that is too good to be true or whether my hypothalamus is truly restored and ready to start kicking out hormones.  Time will tell, I guess.  I do feel better and more balanced.  I actually get tired at night now (it produces the sleep hormone, serotonin), so that’s a positive sign for me.  I will continue pursuing natural and western medicine on my journey toward restored fertility and family.

For now, though, I am resting in God.

While I was talking with my acupuncturist the other day, in the midst of this month of extremely cold temperatures, we settled into a discussion about winter.  Winter is a time when you are supposed to take it easy.  You are supposed to tuck yourself in a little earlier and eat warm soups and drink hot tea.  Winter is a time for your body and soul to recharge and recoup.  What are most of us doing on the contrary?  We are hustling back to work after a few precious days off to get back to the task of multi-tasking.  We actually get mad at the sun for setting early because we lose out on more productive time that we could have had fitting in one more thing.

Aren’t you exhausted?

There hasn’t been a winter I can remember when I felt energized and ready to tackle the world … but I’ve still trudged ahead.  I’ve made New Year’s resolutions and goals for work and many, many plans for losing weight and looking great by springtime.  But, have I ever tried focusing on rest?  Have I ever thought, hmmm, maybe my body needs something else now?

This is the first winter I have actually listened and done something about it.  I have actually been eating my soups and drinking my tea.  I have been getting more sleep and planning less events.  I have been curling up with a blanket and a book more often and have cooked almost every dinner this year.  Ok, that last one doesn’t get a whole lot of credit because it’s been 20 days, but still, I’m cooking and eating really healthy meals.   I actually feel like working out because I like the physical feeling of being tired at the end of the day.  It’s very different from the tired of over-working and over-functioning.  It’s a good-tired.

To my credit, my acupuncturist, April, commented that my “shen” was really good.  I think that means my countenance, my face, had a glow.  Let me be the first to admit that I am not working right now and maybe that is why I have this glow and all the time to do all these relaxing things.  But, now I will be on a mission to keep this balance with work.  The point of all this women’s lib was not for us to make ourselves sick and stressed with this newfound reward of working and voting and having a voice.  In fact, the point was to have the choice and to be counted.

How often do we feel now that if we don’t perform, and usually over-perform, that we still don’t count?

In our 20s, we may want to climb mountains and be skiing every weekend in the winter, but I have to say, in my 30s, I think I get more out of curling up with a warm drink and a good book.