The unexamined life is not worth living.
Who said that? I can’t remember but it came to me in a big way after the thoughts I had last week about choices and when to take advantage of different opportunities in life. At times I feel over-analytical and stress inducing (to myself) and I think, why am I thinking about all of this stuff so much? But then, this quote popped into my head and I see that it is all part of examining one’s life. I think the worst possible thing might be to slave away at the daily grind and come to the end of your life thinking, I wonder what Paris looks like and I wish I had spent more time with my kids and less time stressing about work.
I recently got to know my husband’s aunt and uncle better. They are hippies. They live in a house now, but only in the last eight years. They spent most of their working years flitting between New Mexico and Alaska. She’s a teacher turned administrator. He’s a plumber, carpenter, pot farmer, wanderer. It is really a kick to know these people now – grey hair, knee replacements, living off the government (social security) but bitching all the way! They have a wonderful attitude about life. They go where the wind takes them. They lived for several years on fifteen acres in New Mexico, in a trailer, with a huge vegetable garden out back, a water well (with the best water in the state, they say), views on all sides, and not a person in sight. He bathed in a bucket by the fire. There is something really enticing about that life. It is simple. It is not bothered by the world. Part of my conflict is that I really like the world, and yet, I feel suffocated by it at times. There can be too much world. As soon as we pulled back into our driveway, my husband said, our houses are too close together.
Yes, I think maybe our houses are too close together.
What does that mean for our lives that are dependant on the places we work, the stores we shop at, the services we expect (mail, trash, roads)? When we were out snowshoeing on the aunt and uncle’s land, after an hour, I felt the pull back toward town. It was time for lunch, I wanted to see people, I needed creature comforts (like a real bathroom). But, when I get too bogged down in traffic and close quarters, I just want some space and I’d give anything to sit around a fire with all the stars in the world, peeing against a tree. So what is it? Is it a perpetual leaning toward being unsatisfied? Is it a restlessness about feeling caught in this work-world we have created? Besides all this, I think it comes down to something some friends said to us a few months ago. There is a real gift in having friends of all ages. This is a couple that retired early, no kids, and makes the huge decisions we all wish we could make. They lived in a mountain town for a few years. When they got bored, they moved back to the city. They seek out meditation with a Buddhist monk even though they are Christian. They read several papers and take art classes, but yet, live on a golf course. You see, what they’ve figured out is the magic of contrast in their lives.
Contrast.
Contrast is what allows camping to seem like a great adventure after the weekly commute between work and home. Contrast is what makes grand-parenting so great – these are your beloved babies, and yet, you are not with them through every weepy and sleepless night. It is the glory of a huge mountain around the bend of some foothills and forest. It is the excitement around engagement and marriage when before you were just an individual living a life for yourself. It is the same with having a family. The pursuit to have a family is biological, sure, but it is also the contrast to living selfishly and without knowing if your family with grow and carry on after you die. The contrast in life is what gives each color its brilliance. I believe that is why young people seek out adventure. Travel brings the vibrancy to life at home. It is time apart from that which has become routine. If traveling is your life’s work, you may not find it as appealing. For me, Kenya is a magical place, a place where all my senses come alive and I see things more vividly. Most people ask why I would want to go to a developing country on my vacation time and spend the same amount of money I would if I went on a cruise. It is because of the contrast with my own life. I find the people to be wonderfully different, British accent and all, as they pedal around on bicycles barefoot but always wearing a suit coat and stopping for tea.
The real question is then, for all of us who have just established our careers and hadn’t thought about what’s on the other side: how do we create a life of contrasting opportunities?
I can see for myself that I am in grayscale with my job right now. Because I desire to have a baby, I no longer desire to put all my energy into my job. For the last eight or nine years, I have thought only of the ambition to establish my career and shine as the all-star minister. What I realize now is that it is not a realistic pace for the long-term. However, maybe short-term bursts are fine if you decide to pursue a life of contrast. In listening to my hippie aunt and uncle, I heard them say they bounced around from job to job and tried out all sorts of living situations. They were not afraid of change and were definitely not afraid of what the future held. That is probably one of the keys to living a life of contrast: no fear. Believing is a powerful thing and one that I wholeheartedly put my faith into. We create our lives around that which we believe in. Perhaps that’s the next question, what do I believe in (my values, desires, faith principles, and dreams) and how is my life taking me there?
When I think about what it means to start a family, it means a lot less energy into a job outside my home and a lot more energy inside my home. That feels like contrast – that sounds like heaven.